The Soul Wrenching Grief Club

While standing in the hallway outside of my sister's room at the hospital, a doctor told me about the private club you get initiated into when you lose someone you love. It's a club no one wants a membership to. Nonetheless, we all will belong to it at some point in our lives. It's the Mourning Club also referred to as the Soul Wrenching Grief Club. Once you're in it you look for a way out. There is none. You are present whenever it convenes. It will call to you anytime of the day or night, in any place. The most common time and place is when you least expect it. You can be out Christmas shopping when you spot something that would be perfect for your loved one. Then you remember the loved one is no longer here. And your heart breaks all over again. Next comes the times when you don't hear it as loudly or as often. Then one day you realize you can take a breath without it hurting. That is the beginning of being an inactive member. You are still a member but the call to tears won't happen as frequently.
Unless you are in this club you cannot understand what it feels like. You try. You see how much pain they are in. You throw them lifelines. They will appreciate your efforts but they know nothing can help them. They are lost. I have been there. I know what it feels like. I also know that it is up to you to make the choice to live. My friend Pete says it so well,
"I once taught rock-climbing. Many moves on the face of a climb are logical, though hard. Others require that you let go, reach and hold onto the next anchor. A commitment move. ...it doesn't mean that the place you just came from wasn't an anchor, wasn't important nor that it no longer matters. If you stayed there, you were bound to fall, eventually, tired of trying to hold on. Climbing on is hard, sometimes seemingly impossible but it's part of the journey."
While the holidays can be full of joy and love they can also be hard to get through for a person who is grieving. If you know someone who is having a hard time, a hug can be a wonderful gesture.