Taking Care of Tery

My husband often says if you were to look up "innocent" in the dictionary you would find a picture of Tery. Our second son was born with the same disability as our older son. Yet, Tery is completely different in his abilities and cognitive skills. He has the intellect of a three year according the the testing done at Children's Hospital in Seattle. And yet it's this quality that also makes him so endearing. His world is filled with love and trust. He laughs at Winnie the Pooh, rocks out to Tina Turner and loves playing ball. Oh, and he loves watching the pretty girls run past him while we walk the lake. He will say, "Go!" then take off running too, for about twelve steps.
For all the joy he brings to everyone who meets him, there is a harsh reality also. Believe me, it is a challenge having two sons with a disability. When they were small it wasn't as difficult because we were able to hire a sitter, just like other families would do for their children. As they got older, finding a person who would be willing to help them in the bathroom as well as cook, clean and interact with them was more difficult. Thankfully, Marianne's House (a day activity center for adults with special needs) opened and they had a place to go to when they were out of school.
Beside having them live at home and taking care of them, the biggest challenge is is for my husband and and I to maintain a healthy marriage. Marriage is hard enough without the boys but with them, the stress level can get dangerously high. More on marriage later.
Once I had the boys with me at on outdoor event. Just so you can picture it, both of my sons are taller than I am and outweigh me. Tery cannot tolerate lots of people. Add small kids into the mix and off he'll go. Either that or he will have a meltdown on the spot. A meltdown usually includes yelling and hand biting, sometimes until he draws blood. He will head to the car to escape the shrill voices of small children. On this day we were down at a waterfront park. There was a BBQ going on for a fundraiser for a local group. It was a struggle keeping a hold on Tery while I talked to a few people I knew. During a quiet moment one of the guys I knew asked me, "What do you have to do for Tery?" My answer was simple, "Everything." Tery requires a lot of supervision. He can feed himself but will over stuff his mouth and choke if not watched. He usually makes it to the bathroom in time but cannot clean himself. Just think, three year old, and you will pretty much understand what he is like.
But when Tery laughs, everyone around him will laugh too or at least smile. It's infectious. When Tery cries those huge alligator tears if his, your heart will break right along with him.